I've been avoiding the topic of toileting because it's sort of a sore subject for me. A year and a half ago, shortly after Alex turned 3, we began a potty-training regimen. With the help of his BCBA and ABA therapists, we tried to get Alex to start using the toilet. The whole process was a nightmare. I can't even remember the details very well, but I have visions of me sitting outside the bathroom on the floor and nursing Amelia while trying to listen for a little tinkle coming from the bathroom. We tried a bunch of different tactics, including books and sticker charts and rewards, and waiting him out when he hadn't peed for more than 3 hours. He sat as long as 2 hours a couple of times. After a couple of weeks of this madness, I decided that we should scrap the whole thing and take a break for a while. Several months later, I asked his preschool teacher if we could start a toileting program at school. While she didn't think that he was ready, she agreed to try a program for one week. He went to school in underwear (no diaper) for the five days, and they took him to the bathroom every 10 minutes to sit for 2 minutes. We followed the same routine at home. He had accident after accident and no success at school, and it totally disrupted his learning. The progress at home was also non-existent and his teacher strongly suggested that we discontinue his toileting program.
It has been on my mind since then, and I've been starting to feel the need to toilet train him growing more urgent as time goes on. He'll be 5 in May and will most likely be starting Kindergarten in September. He's at least a few months to a year older than most of the kids whose moms I talk to, and there isn't ONE of those kids who isn't potty trained. After the dust settled from the holidays, I decided that we really needed to get a move on and start the training again. I prepared for it for weeks. I made Alex a social story, complete with pictures of him sitting on the toilet and we started reading it two weeks before starting his program. I talked to his teacher and got her on board with my plan, and I made Alex a personalized sticker chart which resembles the Candyland game board. We isolated his favorite treat (cupcakes) for going "number two" on the potty, and reward him with chocolate chips, candy, or other treats, which are all laid out with visuals on his sticker chart.
Well, the potty training started about 3 weeks ago. While I'm so determined to make it work this time that I don't yet feel like giving up, I've almost been reduced to tears several times. He started to have some success at home right off the bat but then seemed to grow resistant, and will now hold his bladder for 5 and 6 hours at a time, then have an accident 1 minute after getting off the toilet. We take him to the bathroom every 10 minutes and have him sit for 2 minutes, and are supposed to be able to increase the time to 15 minutes and on as we see success. For about half a day I considered increasing his time and then he started having a lot of accidents again. I am so tired of cleaning up pee from carpet, and washing pee-soaked and poop-soiled clothes. This week is February break from school, so it doesn't help that he won't sit on toilets that are new to him (ie at the babysitter's house) without throwing a huge fit. After two weeks of constant accidents and no successes at school, he finally had one full accident-free day last week. Then we had two snow days in a row, messed up his whole routine, and threw him into vacation week when there's no sense of consistency for him.
I guess the one accident-free day is what's keeping me hopeful right now. I was expecting regression during vacation week, but it doesn't make it less monotonous to be constantly interrupting every activity to take Alex to the bathroom. We have a timer going all the time - 10 minutes, then 2 minutes, and I'm always watching him for "signs" that he's going to go somewhere and have an accident. I get to that point almost daily where I asked myself, "What on Earth am I doing?! This is crazy nonsense!" I have to remind myself that it *should* be going somewhere, soon.
I hear from so many people about how kids will just "decide" to be done with diapers, and that's supposed to give me hope. I've long become used to hearing things like this and knowing that Alex just doesn't fit the mold. I mean, maybe eventually he will decide that he wants to be potty trained, but it's not looking like that's going to happen before he's due to go to Kindergarten. Yes, his classmates are through with diapers, but he has no apparent strong social interest in his classmates.
Right now, I'm feeling frustrated and exhausted with this process. Hopefully by the next time I write, Alex will be fully potty trained and these feelings will be ancient history. One can hope.
In the mean time, Amelia, who is 18 months old, tells me BEFORE she is going to poop. She's going to be potty trained before she's 2.
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