We are currently on vacation, staying with my parents for a week in my hometown. Before we left, things started to look up with Alex's rough patch. He had started eating better, although we still had to follow him around and feed him one bite at a time. He will rarely sit at the table and eat but at least he's not pushing away food as bad as he was a couple of weeks ago.
In the past, I've noticed that when Alex regresses, he has often come out of the regression with a new skill. It's a strange phenomenon that I can't explain, but apparently I'm not the only autism parent who has noted this. I was talking to one of Alex's ABA therapists and she said I'm at least the third parent who has said this to her.
A little over a week ago, Alex came home from his social skills group and answered my question "who did you see at Social Skills group today?" I mean, he actually answered the question, without me telling him the answer and him repeating it, and without me prompting him with the first letter of his friend's name. Granted, I helped him answer the first two of the three kids' names in the group, but he answered the third all on his own. I was so excited, I nearly knocked him over cheering for him! It doesn't matter that he may have figured the answer out by associating the third friend with the other two; the point is that he "got" that I was asking a question and that he should answer it, and that he did so without any help. Up until then, I had never gotten a sense that he remembered the past (last week or 5 minutes ago) because never, once, had we had any form of back-and-forth conversation where his end wasn't initiated and helped along by someone else. The only kind of conversation that he had ever participated in, unprompted, was when he asked for physical things that he couldn't do for himself, like watching something on TV or getting a drink, etc.
That was so huge to me. I've noticed little things like that once or twice over the past week. Today we were in my parents' motor home and when he saw the bathtub he said "teeny tiny bathtub!" This is a fairly big deal, too, because he commented on his environment completely without prompting, and made an independent statement. He found the bathtub remarkable and was able to come up with a way to describe it without anyone asking him to or telling him how.
I'm sure that in a few years I'll come back and read this and find it hard to believe that I hung so tightly onto tiny things like these. As his language comes together, these things will happen more and more and seem less and less amazing. Right now, though, I'm enjoying some hope and breathing a sigh of relief after coming out of a tough few weeks.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
A Tough Spell
Alex never does well with transitions or major changes in routine. He always regresses in multiple areas whenever there's a break from school, we travel, or when anyone comes to stay at our house. We're used to that and have come to (begrudgingly) accept it. This summer, though, has been like nothing else, in a very bad way. The last two to three weeks have been the most frustrating weeks I've been through, probably since Alex first started Early Intervention two years ago.
Until the last year or so, I had always described Alex as a good eater. He wasn't crazy about meat or starchy things but he loved most fruits and veggies, so it wasn't a problem getting him to eat at every meal. I remember realizing, though, at some point within the last year and a half that his eating habits had slowly transitioned from "good" to "problematic." I'm now a little shocked to have an extremely picky eater on my hands.
There have been a lot of ups and downs but it's generally been smooth until very recently. He wouldn't eat much for a couple of weeks, or he would eat one thing once and then wouldn't touch the same thing the next day. He's pretty thin so I let it worry me for a while but I made myself stop because he seemed to make up for it when he'd go a week eating so much I could hardly believe it.
But now there's this tough spell. Dear God, please let this just be a phase! I'm attributing it to this being summer vacation from school and while he has a summer program, it's a completely different routine than during the school year. His eating has gotten so bad lately. His food preferences have narrowed to a very few things (generally unhealthy, like Nutella sandwiches.) Just when I was noticing that he was eating a smaller variety of things, he started edging out some of his all-time favorites, like carrots dipped in ranch dressing and apples with peanut butter.
I don't know where to go with this. I've talked to his ABA therapists and they suggest making him take "one bite" of something in order to get a treat. Well, that just doesn't work, and I definitely tried. He just gets more angry and upset when I try that. The problem with his eating is multi-layered and it seems to spiral out of control when these things happen:
1. He isn't aware of his hunger, or doesn't know how to tell me that he's hungry.
2. He starts humming/vocally stimming and that's when I know he's hungry. When he makes that noise, it's usually too late.
3. I ask him to make a choice between 2 or 3 things to eat or I just put something in front of him and cross my fingers.
4. He doesn't eat what's in front of him or only has 1 or 2 bites and won't eat any more (even if it's what he's chosen.)
5. His humming turns to screaming and crying out, which spirals into a tantrum.
6. When he's having a tantrum, there's no hope at getting any food into him (I might get hurt or he might choke) so I have to stay away.
7. It just gets worse because the longer he goes without eating, the worse he feels.
Sometimes he'll cry for as long as 2 hours. It. Is. Horrible. If I'm lucky, I can get him to watch something on TV and calm down. If he's calm enough, I can usually put food in his mouth and he'll eat it. But, yes, I have to sit there and hand or spoon-feed my 4-year-old son. The thing is, though, once he's finally eaten, he's a different kid! His language comes back and his personality and playfulness come back.
Last night Alex had a really good night; no tantrums and he ate a decent amount. I was so relieved and it occurred to me that night that daily tantrums have become the new norm. What was different last night? He grazed all afternoon and I never made him sit down at the table for a meal. I put food in his mouth while he went about playing. It was great and all that he didn't have a meltdown over being hungry, but overall, this is backwards progress. He had been doing so good sitting at the table and having his meals for a long time. I can't follow him around and feed him every day and he certainly can't rely on anyone doing that outside of home.
There are other new - and bad - things going on to, like his destructive sensory-seeking behaviors (i.e. wanting to "hug" the cats.) I just don't know what to do. I wish someone could just tell me what the right thing is. There's no perfect answer but I wish I knew which was the least bad.
There's one month until schools starts again and Alex goes back to his regular routine. I'm just going to try to keep calm and carry on, do my best for him, and plead for this to be just a phase.
Until the last year or so, I had always described Alex as a good eater. He wasn't crazy about meat or starchy things but he loved most fruits and veggies, so it wasn't a problem getting him to eat at every meal. I remember realizing, though, at some point within the last year and a half that his eating habits had slowly transitioned from "good" to "problematic." I'm now a little shocked to have an extremely picky eater on my hands.
There have been a lot of ups and downs but it's generally been smooth until very recently. He wouldn't eat much for a couple of weeks, or he would eat one thing once and then wouldn't touch the same thing the next day. He's pretty thin so I let it worry me for a while but I made myself stop because he seemed to make up for it when he'd go a week eating so much I could hardly believe it.
But now there's this tough spell. Dear God, please let this just be a phase! I'm attributing it to this being summer vacation from school and while he has a summer program, it's a completely different routine than during the school year. His eating has gotten so bad lately. His food preferences have narrowed to a very few things (generally unhealthy, like Nutella sandwiches.) Just when I was noticing that he was eating a smaller variety of things, he started edging out some of his all-time favorites, like carrots dipped in ranch dressing and apples with peanut butter.
I don't know where to go with this. I've talked to his ABA therapists and they suggest making him take "one bite" of something in order to get a treat. Well, that just doesn't work, and I definitely tried. He just gets more angry and upset when I try that. The problem with his eating is multi-layered and it seems to spiral out of control when these things happen:
1. He isn't aware of his hunger, or doesn't know how to tell me that he's hungry.
2. He starts humming/vocally stimming and that's when I know he's hungry. When he makes that noise, it's usually too late.
3. I ask him to make a choice between 2 or 3 things to eat or I just put something in front of him and cross my fingers.
4. He doesn't eat what's in front of him or only has 1 or 2 bites and won't eat any more (even if it's what he's chosen.)
5. His humming turns to screaming and crying out, which spirals into a tantrum.
6. When he's having a tantrum, there's no hope at getting any food into him (I might get hurt or he might choke) so I have to stay away.
7. It just gets worse because the longer he goes without eating, the worse he feels.
Sometimes he'll cry for as long as 2 hours. It. Is. Horrible. If I'm lucky, I can get him to watch something on TV and calm down. If he's calm enough, I can usually put food in his mouth and he'll eat it. But, yes, I have to sit there and hand or spoon-feed my 4-year-old son. The thing is, though, once he's finally eaten, he's a different kid! His language comes back and his personality and playfulness come back.
Last night Alex had a really good night; no tantrums and he ate a decent amount. I was so relieved and it occurred to me that night that daily tantrums have become the new norm. What was different last night? He grazed all afternoon and I never made him sit down at the table for a meal. I put food in his mouth while he went about playing. It was great and all that he didn't have a meltdown over being hungry, but overall, this is backwards progress. He had been doing so good sitting at the table and having his meals for a long time. I can't follow him around and feed him every day and he certainly can't rely on anyone doing that outside of home.
There are other new - and bad - things going on to, like his destructive sensory-seeking behaviors (i.e. wanting to "hug" the cats.) I just don't know what to do. I wish someone could just tell me what the right thing is. There's no perfect answer but I wish I knew which was the least bad.
There's one month until schools starts again and Alex goes back to his regular routine. I'm just going to try to keep calm and carry on, do my best for him, and plead for this to be just a phase.
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