Today, December 9th, marks one year since Alex received his official diagnosis of autism.
As I've mentioned, the few months after finding out that Alex had autism were some of the toughest in my life. Just as everyone else does, I have my own ways of dealing with grief and my own shortfalls in the way I handle important matters. In a way, I felt paralyzed by the problem at hand. All of a sudden, my son had this disorder that I knew barely anything about, and the wealth and breadth of information to be taken in was overwhelming. What a quandary for a parent to be in: while dealing with some of the strongest feelings of grief I had ever felt, I, at the same time, had to be tackling the hugest and most important problem I've ever dealt with. So, I just had push through the sadness, anger, and guilt, put on my strong face for my little boy, and do what I needed to do to help him.
During this time, I remember being completely bombarded with information from various places. One of my shortfalls is that I just can't think about too many things at once. People kept referring me to websites and books and support groups, but I just couldn't find it in myself to pursue anything new at that time. The most important thing to me was to learn as fast as possible how to work with Alex during that important window (before age 3.) I sat on the floor with him through every Early Intervention session and absorbed everything I could so that I could carry out those activities when his providers weren't at our house. It was like tunnel vision. Paying expert attention to his therapy was the only thing I could stay focused on without feeling like I was going to have a mental breakdown. I had to get in control of something and I had to do it NOW. I had a strong need to start seeing results.
Once I began to feel like I had a handle on how to capture Alex's attention and help him work through his sensory issues, I was able to shift my attention and begin reading books and doing other research. Some of the reading, such as the Autism Speaks 100 Day Kit, which is intended to be used during the first 100 days after diagnosis, might have been more useful, say, about 265 days ago. The part that tells you about the stages of grief and that it's normal to feel shock, sadness, anger, denial, loneliness, and then (finally) acceptance? I could have benefited from that some time ago, but it's nice to read it now, and think about those stages in retrospect.
The thing that has been very recent and very important to me, has been connecting with other parents who have children on the spectrum. I've gotten to know some of the mothers of Alex's classmates as well as some others through a support group. The experience of speaking with others who truly can understand what it's like having a special needs child has been rewarding. The loneliness I felt is slipping away thankfully, but I can't imagine experiencing it any differently. I guess it's really true that the toughest experiences make you stronger. I'm only in the beginning stages of this journey with Alex, and I've already learned lessons about coping that I can take forward with me through life.
